Today I wanted to focus on something that is only starting to become the centre of attention; mental health and the effect it takes on anyone who is suffering from mental illness. I think it is absolutely fantastic that Bell has centred a campaign on mental health and feel like with Crohn's it is something that many people with my disease will experience during their fight against this illness. Not only that, I feel like many other people (like Crohn's sufferers) are fighting some form of mental illness in silence and it is important to expose the stigmas attached to mental health issues.
The picture above is taken from one of my favourite books that was made into a movie. Prozac Nation focuses on the nitty gritty of what it is like being depressed and how it can affect your entire life. I myself was officially diagnosed with clinical depression in 2008 and have fought an uphill battle trying to conquer it along with my Crohn's. I currently take medication to manage my depression as well as medication that aids me to sleep and quiet my many thoughts and worries I often have.
I am positive that anyone with Crohn's experiences some form of depression at some point; feeling a loss of normalcy in life and having so many physical stressors to deal with. But I also know that many people who don't have Crohn's experience some form of mental illness at some point in their life and it is important for us to stop being silent and start being real. I am not ashamed of my depression, though somedays I feel like Crohn's, it has become a part of me and it is something I have to fight to keep at bay. This is a passage from Elizabeth Wurtzel's Prozac Nation that I feel sums up depression:
The picture above is taken from one of my favourite books that was made into a movie. Prozac Nation focuses on the nitty gritty of what it is like being depressed and how it can affect your entire life. I myself was officially diagnosed with clinical depression in 2008 and have fought an uphill battle trying to conquer it along with my Crohn's. I currently take medication to manage my depression as well as medication that aids me to sleep and quiet my many thoughts and worries I often have.
I am positive that anyone with Crohn's experiences some form of depression at some point; feeling a loss of normalcy in life and having so many physical stressors to deal with. But I also know that many people who don't have Crohn's experience some form of mental illness at some point in their life and it is important for us to stop being silent and start being real. I am not ashamed of my depression, though somedays I feel like Crohn's, it has become a part of me and it is something I have to fight to keep at bay. This is a passage from Elizabeth Wurtzel's Prozac Nation that I feel sums up depression:
“I have studiously tried to avoid ever using the word 'madness' to describe my condition. Now and again, the word slips out, but I hate it. 'Madness' is too glamorous a term to convey what happens to most people who are losing their minds. That word is too exciting, too literary, too interesting in its connotations, to convey the boredom, the slowness, the dreariness, the dampness of depression. But depression is pure dullness, tedium, straight up. Depression is, especially these days, an overused term to be sure, but neve one associated with anything wild, anything about dancing with a lampshade on your head and then going home and killing yourself. The word madness allows its users to celebrate the pain of its sufferers, to forget that underneath all the acting-out and quests for fabulousness and fine poetry, there is a person in huge amount of dull, ugly agony. Let's call it depression and admit that it is very bleak. Sure madness draws crowds, sells tickets, keeps The National Enquirer in business. Yet so many depressives suffer in silence, without anyone knowing, their plight somehow invisible until they adopt the antics of madness which are impossible to ignore. Depression is such an uncharismatic disease, so much of the opposite of the lively vibrance that one associates with madness. Forget about the scant hours in her brief life when Sylvia Plath was able to produce the works in Ariel. Forget bout that tiny bit of time and just remember the days that spanned into years when she could not move, could not think straight, could only lie in wait in a hospital bed, hoping for the relief that electroconvulsive therapy would bring. Don't think of the striking on screen picture, the mental movie you create of the pretty young woman being wheeled on the gurney to get her shock treatments, and don't think of the psychedelic, photonegative image of this same woman at the moment she receives that bolt of electricity. Think instead, of the girl herself, of the way she must have felt right then, of the way no amount of great poetry and fascination and fame could make the pain she felt at that moment worth suffering. Remember that when you're at the point at which you're doing something as desperate and violent as sticking your head in the oven, it is only because the life that preceded this act felt even worse. Think about living in depression from moment to moment, and know it is not worth any of the great art that comes as its by-product."
Although I was diagnosed officially in 2008, I felt like I'd been facing these feelings for years and having a psychologist actually utter the diagnosis was pure relief, like someone had finally said that it was okay to feel the way I did, that it was in fact normal (or I guess in my case not normal) but that there was a solution to the problem. I had a wonderful psychologist and have since stopped going regularly, though I highly highly encourage anyone who is facing problems, maybe not full blown depression but even struggling personally to get counselling. For anyone who is a student, there are usually counselling services that are free on campus, or many times via the mental health department of your hospital. It does help. Many times it takes a non biased person to hear you out to help change your perspective, often they suggest options for you that you hadn't even considered, and often, those suggestions can make a huge difference.
Going on medication was not an easy decision, but it was the right one. After losing my grandmother in 2009 and losing a close friend shortly after, I knew I needed the stability that my brain could not provide me. What many forget is that depression is a chemical imbalance, it is not a choice to be sad. Losing a friend to depression/suicide feels like the most inhumane experience. It is simply overwhelming, debilitating and complicated. I wish that I would have been more open then about my feelings with him, in hopes that maybe it would have encouraged him to be proactive with his illness. I hope that from this point forward, maybe sharing will equal more awareness, so that any of you will be open when you are going through tough times. This one is for J, whom I miss and love each and every day.
Going on medication was not an easy decision, but it was the right one. After losing my grandmother in 2009 and losing a close friend shortly after, I knew I needed the stability that my brain could not provide me. What many forget is that depression is a chemical imbalance, it is not a choice to be sad. Losing a friend to depression/suicide feels like the most inhumane experience. It is simply overwhelming, debilitating and complicated. I wish that I would have been more open then about my feelings with him, in hopes that maybe it would have encouraged him to be proactive with his illness. I hope that from this point forward, maybe sharing will equal more awareness, so that any of you will be open when you are going through tough times. This one is for J, whom I miss and love each and every day.
Luckily today has been a good day, and in recent weeks my emotions have been quite stable. This has allowed me to be more focused on my health and feel more proactive with taking care of my mental health. My ever present food belly is still large and in charge and I've managed to have some serious back pain, but the Crohn's symptoms are under control. It is my hope that by sharing this with you today, it may inspire you to be a little more open to your own mental and physical health. I am looking forward to having the summer to enjoy the sunshine and hopefully feel lots of good emotions. We are even hoping to plan a little getaway to Toronto for the weekend in August to see a Jays game. See below for my current "must have." Have I mentioned my serious Brett Lawrie crush? It is nice to look forward to something and I feel it might be my little graduation present to myself.
On a last note, I think it is important for you to all know that your family and friends can also make a huge impact on your mental health. Without my family's support with all my illnesses, I would certainly not be where I am today. They have picked me up off the floor time and time again, and I'm lucky that they have been as understanding as possible during the tough times. I'm so grateful for all of their support.
Happy Monday friends,
xoxo e
On a last note, I think it is important for you to all know that your family and friends can also make a huge impact on your mental health. Without my family's support with all my illnesses, I would certainly not be where I am today. They have picked me up off the floor time and time again, and I'm lucky that they have been as understanding as possible during the tough times. I'm so grateful for all of their support.
Happy Monday friends,
xoxo e
Current must-have for August. I've asked my mom if being 21 and passing a university semester still entitles me to a "passing present."
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